Land of Confusion

Here I am in this land of confusion, arrested in strong delusion,
And it may mean nothing at all if I fall, hit the wall, lose it all.
I’m standing here one on my own, reflecting back on life alone,
I thought I’d stand it all. Said I’d never heed the call.
Again in self-defeat I stumble and stare
And touch the things that were never there.
I relocate, my mindless wandering overwhelming me,
Floating, help me, I’m drowning.
Open your heart to me, I ask very submissively, retreat instinctively.
Chaotic my erotic aura bathes you.
Symbolic alcoholic we two, in the rounded four corners of my mind, I find,
Like Edgar Allen Poe, I’m lying off the side of the road.
These Bostonian streets have got me beat
Even though they’ve never felt my feet.
MY GOD, MY FRIEND, don’t leave me just leave me alone.
I expel you from my mind and keep you in my heart.
We part apart. Perhaps Casey’s right in the drunken dark, in the inebriated light.
I’d like to see you, meet you, greet you, but not be you, near you,
For I am gone in this forgone conclusion, rebelling, relying, my life’s illusion,
This collusion’s killing me. Words lost in what I was going to say.
Is anything best left to another day?
No! I can’t, won’t, won’t, can’t leave it like this.
Once again, my friend, I’m still drowning at the day’s end.
What the hell is this, is there meant to be a meaning to it?
Consequences, intelligences, ever still my body tenses, impulse dances,
Ego prances, life revolves around encounters, chances.
I am elated, I am all smiles invaded
In my quote for quote’s sake mind game time frame.
She still wants to play the blame game. Well babe, I’m through with your crap,
How do you feel about that, ex post facto, wacko!
Sorry, I’m not Lycos, you go fetch while I attempt to catch the best life must offer
Better than he bought her and taught her hate, discriminate,
The rage in love and pain blending in becoming one and the same.
I understand what your feigning, do you understand what I’m saying?
Keep on praying but don’t forget the part about helping yourself
From that dusty little shelf of pain and self-doubt.
From the loneliness bust out.
Don’t hear me, or revere me, but feel me squeeze me, till my soul surrounds thee.
Intertwined, you and I, unconfined, we can soar the sky……….

-Northstar
2002

That Kiss

If I never said anything at all
Would you still feel the same
If I never said, “I love you!”
Would you even remember my name
If I simply said, “I care”
Would you still be whispering those sweet little lies
If I took it all back
Would I still be the light in your eyes

They say ignorance is bliss
But baby tell me this
Would we even be in this mess
Had we never shared that kiss

Seven months gone past
In a pre-Valentine’s heartache
I thought I’d put it behind me
But never goes away
Sitting up at Waffle House
2 A.M. and nowhere to go
I listen to you talk about your dreams and reality
And fight from letting the tears flow
They say ignorance is bliss
But I need proof of this
Would we even be in this mess had we never shared that kiss

Burnt coffee, a couple bucks, and a good cigarette
This is all we need you say
As I talk of past regrets
Our eyes are locked
As our souls converse
You say you count me amongst your best friends
As I foolishly say I’ve been cursed
I threw out hints
Avoiding allegations and things best left unsaid
You show the same signs of recognition
As would the dead

Now I know I asked for this
But I no longer believe that ignorance is bliss
If we could do it all again
Would you still pursue that first kiss

Listening to Mighty Joe Plum
And the rhythm of the drum
I follow the pulses in my brain
As my heart’s gone numb
I think keep it in for safety
Kyle says it’s killing me
Jaymon tells me more
As Jeff nods and agrees
I watch you go now
And I can’t let you go now
But I couldn’t hope to contain you
Couldn’t hope to hold you, don’t know how

Don’t know how I live with this
It doesn’t matter whether or not ignorance is bliss
I just know that I miss that kiss
I just know that I don’t know what I’d do to get back that kiss

Nature cries a bittersweet symphony
The rest of life is lost to me
Within your essence I find a guiding light
You may well be what I need to get me through the night
I can write about you forever
Your voice has haunted my pen for more than a year
You joke with me, share a smoke with me, try to ease my fears
But it won’t stop the tears

Maybe the spinneret that weaves this web
is, in fact, mine
But to say that I’d rather not have tried
Would be a lie

I fell into the abyss
As I lost that kiss
They ignorance is bliss
And I don’t know how I live with this
But if we could do it all again
I tell you now  as I would then
I wouldn’t ever miss a chance for that kiss
They say that ignorance is bliss
But, love, I can now tell you this
I’d still feel the same
If we never shared that kiss…

-Northstar
2000

Once Upon A Time

***Didn’t even realize that this was so close to the Jason Mraz song “You and I Both” until after I’d finished. LOL..

Don’t we always wish it was another time
Wish we had another day in another place
Some place different from where we are now.
Don’t we always wish we had another chance
An opportunity for one more glance and one last dance
To change what was said when we spoke last.
But I chose to walk these dusty roads
So now you’re gone and I’m alone
And every now and then the memory of your warmth
Chills me to the bone.

Cause you and I, once we were one
And you and I, once we laughed in the sun
And once upon a time the evening stars
Were yours and mine
Yeah once we were in love.

Don’t we always wish it wasn’t just a fairy tale
Or a test in that class you never failed
But if it’s worth having it’s never for sale.
So I take your advice and look to the bright side
And every time I close my eyes to dream I
See nothing but you still here by my side.
It’s been a while since we went our separate ways
But I thought I smelled your hair when I awoke today
And in the memory of your voice, I have no choice, 
my soul just floats away.

Cause you and I, once we were one
And you and I, once we basked in the sun
Once we weren’t afraid to be young
and each other was all we needed when the day was done
Yeah, once upon a time we were in love.

And it’s okay if you had to go away
Just remember that the phone works both ways
But if I never hear your voice again
If nothing else, I’ll think you finally found a better man
Better to you than I could ever be
And that’s okay with me…
cause I still have the memory
Of how you and I, once we were one
I was your blue sky and you were my sun
Now that it’s all said and done
At least I know, once upon a time, it was true love.
You and I, once we were one
You and I, once we laughed in the sun
And now that it’s all said and done
I think I’m ready to move on
I’m ready to stick it out till night turns to dawn
And now I know, that once upon a time, love will come again…!

-Northstar
23 December 2004

New Year’s Day

You can go through the motions
Exercising notions
Of how you’ll do better things tomorrow
Well how ‘bout you make your next choice
Be your best choice
Step on up to the plate
And take a swing today
Cause you never know what tomorrow’s gonna offer
No matter what they choose to throw at you 
You can do whatever it is you wanna do
But it’s all your decision….
You can sit and pass the time  
Or you can lift your soul on high
How strong is your resolve to find a better solution?

You tell me you would
Oh, if only you could
Well I say you do anything
If you wanna make that change
Where is the love…
God’s love and peace?
Whatever you call it, why don’t you let it
Into your heart
And find your release
Find the strength to make that change today
To make tomorrow a better day…
Start today!

-Northstar
2 January 2005